Sleepless in Seattle…Or In Langhorne, PA

As Bud Fox once said, “Life all comes down to a few moments.” Well, this is clearly NOT one of them, but it certainly affected me in a unique way.

We bought a new mattress.

Why should anyone care, you ask? Ordinarily, I would not care either, nor would I ever dream of bringing it up to your valuable attention. But in this case, since this event has drastically changed my life, as well as my running career, I feel it is well worth the mention.

My wife wanted a new mattress, and so now we have it, that’s how it works. An interesting piece, I must admit, as it makes you feel as though you are sleeping in a pool of warm mud, or in a moving sand trap… This mattress is supposed to adjust to your body shape, so it is so incredibly soft that you feel virtually nothing underneath and around you, as if sleeping in vacuum…. and so, when you try to use your hands and elbows to move and turn around, or just maneuver any which way – forget it! All these features are supposed to be good for you, and yet, for some truly inexplicable reason, each morning I have been waking up feeling as if I had just got beaten up by the enemy troops, and, more to the point, my legs feel exactly as if I had just run 10 miles! I know the feeling, having run that distance in the past quite often, but how can I possibly feel that same way upon just waking up?! But I do! Being that tired every morning, I have been avoiding my normal running routines, instead, relying on completing my 10 miles at night while sleeping…

However, all jokes aside, this morning, I jumped up at 5:15 – well, not really ‘jumped up’, as I can no longer exactly jump up from my bed, I have to crawl out of it, like out of a pool. Feeling totally exhausted and destroyed, I still made my way outside, and went for it. Even though somewhat difficult at first, I felt better each minute into the run, and the feeling of tiredness had gradually disappeared. Barely 15 minutes into it, I felt entirely as my own self, energized and ready to take on the challenges of the day!

I immediately realized what was happening to me! I was not dealing with a simple mattress! It was a clever ploy, specifically designed to control people, to make the person feel dependent! I know, I am crazy, but hear me out. First you feel tired and exhausted, however, with time, you adjust to the torturous environment and begin thinking it is normal, and your body slowly adjusts to the new position. The mattress then takes over and now you can only sleep on this particular bed, unable to function in any other environment. You feel tired all day long, anxious to return to the safe haven of “THE MATTRESS”, where you can be enveloped by the fake comfort of the artificial foam.

Exercise becomes difficult and cumbersome, and slowly but surely you let go… joining thousands of other “mattress dependents”, who have over the years given up hope and settled into a non-active daily routine, no longer able to work out or do any cardio, not even seeing why they should. You know the type I am talking about. Once in a while they have a moment of clarity and they explode and protest by making a New Year resolution and joining the gym….. However, that alone is not enough and THE MATTRESS gradually sucks them back in and they let go, yet again.

Once in a while we all require a wake up call, just a quick reminder of what and who we are. If only to remember why you want to resist the temptation of THE MATTRESS, luring you in and seeking to change you back to ‘INACTIVE’ status. Now, every time I look at it, I yell at the mattress: “No! You will not have me!!”, causing terror and inquiring looks from my wife and children, but I suppose they fail to realize the true meaning of my words. Am I the only one who really sees the entire picture?!